Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Bittersweet Father's Day

So, this is the 1st Father's Day without Joe {have had 3 holidays without my husband and some of the most difficult yet to come} and I went to bed Saturday night feeling down. My oldest son Chris said he was feeling bad," cause he has no Dad". Youngest son Jason is unavailable, my father has been gone for almost 3 years, and I was getting myself into a real pity party. As I lay there trying to fall asleep, I decided to make Sunday Joe's day anyway. We have out favorite beach and when asked "So what do you want to do today?" Joe's answer would usually be "Go to the beach". Headed out at 6am, watching the sun rise along the way...what a picture perfect morning. Arrived at "our" spot at 7:15 and was walking on the almost deserted beach by 7:20. I don't know why I feel closer to the spirit of my husband while walking on the beach, but I just know that I do. Walked a ways, picking up shells & stones & only an occasional piece of beach glass. Wrote a note to Joe in the sand, walked a little more with my tears for company, and then I saw a single, solitary pelican out over the ocean. Joe was a nature guy from the day we met, and pelicans were always his favorite bird, next to eagles. Usually the brown pelicans travel in groups of 5...sometimes as many as 15...in a long line stretched out over the ocean. This guy was all by himself...just cruisin' along...not in a hurry to get anywhere...just like my Joe. Dried my tears and kept walking and feeling a tiny bit better. Walked close to 2 miles and by then I was starving, so headed into the teeny town for breakfast. Unfortunately, every one else in town got hungry at the same time...lines out the door...so I headed to our "favorite convenience store" for a Starbucks & a breakfast bar. Stopped at the local Home Depot on my way out of town, and bought a huge pot of Brown-eyed Susans which will be planted in Joe's favorite garden spot in our yard. So a day that started off pretty badly the night before, turned into a day of fond memories, and a further understanding of this path that I have been set upon. I did not chose this path, and given the chance I would step off in a heartbeat. I cannot step off...my job here is far from done. Have a wonderful week...hug your husbands, and never let your loved ones doubt how important & loved they are. *elaine* P.S. The MickeyD's billboard was spotted on my way to the beach...had to pull over and get a shot of that! {My Joe was only Joseph when he was in big trouble!!} P.S.S. My destination {previous post} 2 weeks ago was Virginia Beach..Paula guessed correctly. No prize, but thanks for reading my wanderings anyway! *e*


gail@myrepurposedlife.net said...

Elaine... my heart aches for you. I know a man who wishes he was dead, not realizing that there are people like you who miss their "man" so much. It doesn't make sense.
I cried the entire time I read your post. I think you have become stronger than you thought you could.
I know Joe knows how much you miss him, I believe the pelican was a sign. I'm glad you had a "Joe" day, at the beach, the convenience store and the flowers! I'm also glad you have fond memories of Joe to bring you comfort.
thinking of you

laurie -magpie ethel said...

Sounds like you spent the perfect day with Joe..you know he was there in spirit watching and walking with you. What a hard journey to make, but hang in there and don't step off that path! Hugs and more hugs!

Rose H (UK) said...

My heart goes out to you, but I'm certain that Joe is with you always and his love will continue to envelope you. It was good that you had a 'Joe' day - and I agree with Gail the Pelican was a sign.
Sending you a hug of support.

Mardell said...

It sounds like you made the very best of a day that could have been so sad. I'm sure Joe was smiling down on you all day. It's good to hear that you're getting out & about. Love the billboard! I bet he would have had a big chuckle over that. :o)

Rose @ Confessions of a Curbshopaholic said...

Oh gosh, you are so brave and strong. Instead of wallowing as most of us would do you made a good day of it as best you could.
That pelican must have been the spirit of Joe, letting you know he was there and approving your manner of dealing with the day,
I'm going to give my guy a big hug when I see him, just because.
(And an apology for getting mad at him last night too.)
Thinking big hugs for you also.

Kudzu said...

just waving hi to you! hope things are getting better every day for you.